Valley Kitcher - Pocket Fiction

I was going through my dresser this morning and found something I wrote on a scrap of paper over a year ago. Did I ever tell you that I find my writing everywhere? Just scraps of things? I don't remember writing this, but I remember this character that I made up because I've been playing with her since she came along. I put her in different scenes and try her out in them to see how she fits. I haven't found her story yet, but I know about her name.

Her name was Valerie but when she was a little girl she didn't like it because it was too girly. She liked Valley, because it was practically the same name if you took out the "r" and because a valley was so much bigger than a Valerie. She felt like she could really be in the world with a name like that, stretching over miles without any pressure of being something that she wasn't.

So here's what I wrote, and if it's not so good, please be kind. I wrote it all off the top of my head and probably found it in my pocket and tossed it in my dresser at the end of the day:

Valley pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket. It's a receipt for chips and a Mocha Java at a Chevron and she wants to write on it, but she has to keep it and record it in her checkbook because every dollar counts.

But she wants to write "Molly" on it. She wants to push the pen down so hard that it tears the paper. Molly's name cut into paper the way it cuts and shreds into her mind. But that's not enough. She needs to force Molly's name out of her. The need is suddenly so great, she thinks she'll scream and she's standing in the middle of the library. It occurs to her that she could fake a sneeze but "Molly" doesn't have a sneezy sound. Not like "Ashley" or some other name with an "a" and an "sh" in it.

So she runs to the bathroom, like she can't hold it in anymore, scrambles into a stall, crams a ball of toilet paper over her mouth and screams, "Mooooollllllly!"

And now it's out and now she's crying, loud, heaving sobs, and now someone's walking into the bathroom, and the thought of someone hearing her cry is more embarrassing than the scream so she stuffs the toilet paper into mouth.

She takes a deep breath to calm herself down and sucks in the toilet paper.And now she's gagging.

She bends over, retching the wet, flimsy paper into the bowl, scratching bits of it off her tongue. And she wonders if she'll ever be in a relationship where she doesn't throw up at the end of it.
*****

I need to do more with Valley. Poor thing, I could have atleast sent her to Starbucks for coffee instead of a Chevron.

Step 1: Worry about being accepted

I emailed two of my former professors to ask if they could write letters of recommendation for me and they actually remembered who I am! We haven't seen each other in five years! I would like to believe that my world class writing skills is what makes me stick out in their minds, but I think what really registered with them is when I reminded them that "I was the tall one." Then they thought, "Oh yes! The tall one of the spring of '07! Of course!"

So the application process is going well. Now I just need to take the GRE, send everything off, and cross my fingers. Then after I get in I will worry about passing. Then after I pass and graduate I will worry about finding a job. Then after I find a job, I'll worry about getting fired or laid off. That's my career plan.  It's solid.

But I am worried about the finding a job part. Every time I tell people that I'm going to be a librarian they have one of two reactions. Either, "That's awesome! I can see that!" or "When are you get a job? When someone dies? You know librarians hold onto those jobs until they die." And I believe them because once I get a library gig I plan to hold onto it until they have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. Oh the other thing that people like to say is that there won't be many jobs open by the time I graduate because everything is moving on-line and there will be no print books. Ok. Then I'll be the old creepy lady who takes care of the archives. Surely, even when books are no longer printed on paper, the old originals will be so prized to book lovers that they will insist there be gate keepers to mind them and care for them in temperature controlled climates. Gate keepers with master's degrees in Library Science!

Why oh why do I care about how people react to my ideas? There's always SOMEBODY who's going to point out the flaws and inevitable catastrophes. "Don't become a librarian! It will be the ruin of us all! Run! Hide the children!"

The only downside I see is more student loans. Ugh. But I'm going to apply for everything that's out there! Grants, scholarships, single-mom-sympathy-gimme-money, ALL OF IT!

Writing my old teachers reminded me that I miss school. I miss sitting in classrooms and talking about a books, styles of writing, papers, and deadlines. History and ideas that people had. That's what I like about the library. It's one big reference section where people go to learn, or share knowledge. Dude, my inner nerd just goes CRAZY. And when I work at a library it'll go crazy every day! Because I'm going to find one of those hard-to-get jobs! And I'll have to die before someone can replace me! And I'll keep submitting my books to hard-to-please publishers so that one day, goddammit, I'll be shelving my own book! And fifty years from now when I'm caretaking the ancient archive I'll show my work to a young person who's never seen paper before and I'll say, "I'm Genevieve Rheams. I wrote this loooong ago." And they'll say, "I remember you! You're that writer! The tall one!"

Twittings and thingings

I have embraced the inevitable and joined Twitter. Ok, I've decided to just go ahead and list my efforts and accomplishments lately because I know that you guys like it when I strut that stuff around. In the last week I have:

1) sent queries to four more agents

2) worked on the new book

3) eaten more Easter candy than any one human should consume

4) begun my application to LSU's library science program so that I can become a LIBRARIAN!!!!

5)Learned the lyrics to Elton John's song "Where to St. Peter" - I took myself a bluuuuuuuuuue canoe! And I floated like a leaf....

Ah, Sir Elton. Your early work was so raw, poetic and inspired. But I digress....life feels good. More later, my loves.

Condiment Crime Spree

Last night I did not watch the president's speech about the oil spill, even though loved ones and I are directly affected by it. I heard snippets of it while I was flipping through the radio in the car this morning, but I really wanted to listen to music and not the news. But when my bud Jennifer sent me an article about a 74 year old woman who was arrested for pouring mayonnaise into a book drop, I couldn't put it down.

Super villian Joy L. Cassidy of Boise, Idaho was arrested moments after she dumped a jar of mayo into an Ada County Library bookdrop. According to the Associated Press, police said that she is suspected in "10 other condiment-related crimes" that have occured since May 2009. Librarians have also found reading materials covered in heinous toppings such as syrup and ketchup. Despite this, "Cassidy was released from jail and faces a misdemeanor charge of malicious injury to property."

She OUT? She's loose?! There's a maniac out there with a refrigerator full of ammo! Do the cops think that just because she spent a night in jail she's reformed? She probably spent the whole time cooking up a scheme with Grey Poupon! Who knows when she will strike again! I don't trust her as far as I can throw a cup of molasses.

Quick! Lock up your borrowed books and periodicals! Return them directly to the librarian behind the desk and avoid any suspicious characters as on the way in, especially if they're holding a jar of relish! And don't be fooled if there's a hot dog in her other hand! It could be a prop! That relish could have malicious intent!

See why this is more fun than news about the largest oil spill of all time? Which is messed up in so many ways and on so many levels that it makes me sick to hear too much about it so I have to force myself to stay informed? I'm not saying it's a good thing to ignore big news completely, it's just that every so often when your head gets full of Republicans and Democrats slinging horseradish at each other, and environmentalists are telling you that the world will soon become an uninhabitable place unless you stop using fossil fuels and you know it's true but still haven't changed your lifestyle because no one else has changed their lifestyle yet and the few Americans who have are considered freakazoids, and fishermen are out of livelihoods, and hoods are out of oysters to eat, and oysters have no place to live anymore, and it feels like no matter who you vote for they never turn out to be Superman or even the Green Lantern, and just when you begin to lose your Peter Pan-like innocence and belief in hope, goodness, and a sense of humor, you can turn to articles like this:

"Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay"
http://www.theonion.com/video/soccer-officially-announces-it-is-gay,17603/

ps- If you want to read the mayo article here 'tis:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100615/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_condiment_vandalism