It's hard to think of what to write about when I really just want to show you something. I'd show you a picture of myself sitting in Cafe Luna, the coffee shop I'm at right now, which I think was an old house. Its got hard wood floors and high ceilings, and across from me is a fireplace with an iron door closing up where the wood or the coal would go. I wonder if this was someone's room, and if that person liked coffee. It's cold in here now without the heat from a fire or anything else, but the coffee's warm.
I've been on a vacation of sorts. The kids and the pets have been with my ex-husband for two weeks and I've been staying with a friend uptown until the new house is available next week. I haven't had anyone to take care of but myself. I can't tell you how long it's been since I had this kind of time, the kind that's quiet.
If I could I would show you a picture of myself on the fifth floor of an open parking garage this morning, and how I looked up unafraid the vastness of it, how I grinned up at it, not even afraid that the wind might sweep me up and drop me to the ground.
I would show you the runners in the park, and me weakening as I jogged along until I stepped off the blacktop-path and ran on the grass. Then I stopped struggling because then I was playing, hopping over tree roots and startling the ducks on the side of the pond.
I don't think that I'm only less stressed because I haven't had the kids. I think it's that I needed to stop commuting and I needed to be back in New Orleans. I don't know why but I can't write the same in Mandeville as I can in New Olreans. The rhythm is off. Somebody told me before that it didn't matter where she travelled to or where she lived, and she lived in a lot of places, because she was grounded inside of herself. I don't feel the same way, and maybe that's because I'm not grounded, but whatever the reason, I need to be close to where I feel a creative pulse.
And if I were to play something for you it would be this song because it's a little sad and more than a little beautiful and that's kind of how I feel right now.
****SUDDEN, UNEXPECTED TONE CHANGE!!!****
Ok, so now you've listened to it and if you're under 40 you've probably watched it and said, "Holy hell, how OLD is this woman? She's making me feel old AND sad." Well, first of all, I'm under 40...and that's all you need to know. Second, if you're not feeling that song exactly, I offer you a Strict Machine. I've been digging on Goldfrapp lately, with her sexy, confusing lyrics. "I'm in love with Strict Machine." What's that mean? I don't know but I like it.
And now off to write more. The first draft of my new book has exceeded it's self-imposed deadline by seven months. EEEEK! Barista! More coffee!