Schooled in Dr. Who

I watched "Dr. Who" the other day, thus ending my 38 year spree of avoiding it. I wasn't PURPOSELY avoiding it that whole time. I spent the first two years being a baby, the next year watching "Scooby Doo" and the last 35 being irresponsible. Until now.

Inspired by Google's tribute to 50 years of Dr. Who the other day, I finally decided to watch it. I needed to have questions answered, and understand pop culture references that other people seem to know that I did not. And British ones at that! Like, what is a Dalek? What is a Tardis? Is it medicine? It sounds like medicine. "For massive head wounds, I use Tardis Complete." And what is a Time Lord? It sounds cool. But what IS it? Can I be one?

It turns out, for those of you who have also spent the last 38 years spinning a circle with your eyes closed, that a Tardis is a spaceship/time machine disguised cleverly as a Police Box, and a Time Lord is Dr. Who. I'm glad I could clear those things up for you. But don't ask me what those Dalek things are, I've only watched three episodes and none of them have featured Daleks. I can only deduce from the pictures I've seen that they are vending machines that attack.

But Dr. Who relics from the past brought up another question, which postponed my watching it for so long. Which version to watch? There are approximately 58,206 versions of Dr. Who. It's kind of like Sherlock Holmes. Not only are there several different adaptations of Sherlock Holmes movies, mini-series, and shows, but there are 18 of these going on currently.

Here is an average conversation I have with people who watch Sherlock Holmes.

Friend: I've really been getting into Sherlock Holmes.

Me: Oh, that new one on TV?

Friend: Yeah, both of the new ones.

BOTH OF THEM? Why are there two? I know that there's probably one for England and one for the U.S. but can't we share? No? Which one of us got Lucy Liu out of the deal? I'm confused.

So I've started watching the Dr. Who that started in 2005, the one where The Doctor looks like the lead singer from Men At Work. And as confused as I am, because I've only watched three episodes so far, I like it. It feeds into my kind of geekiness.

I knew that it would. I just knew that I would take to it and I would become a quoter, and my conversations would go like this:

Me: I picked a wrong time to shower - HA!

Friend: I beg your pardon?

Me: That was from Dr. Who, Series 31, Episode 5, Minute 41:18. Remember that scene?

Friend: No, I only watch all of the Sherlock Holmeses.

That would be me, the one to memorize lines down to the second when they happen. That's what makes me....Time Lord.  DUN, DUN, DUN!!!!!!!

They still haven't explained the Time Lord thing, but I have a theory. I'm guessing he's called that because he can travel through time? Dammit, Genevieve, you're a genius! I know, I know. I've always been a good guesser. And no one has explained what a Police Box is either, but I'm guessing that's a British thing. That's where they keep all of their police, in that one little box. That's what makes it an effective disguise for the Tardis. No one wants to go in that box, that's where the police are.

I have this whole show figured out.

Now that I understand why people like it, I can rest easy. And now I know what the lead singer of Men At Work has been up to lately. Am I the only one who sees a resemblance there? Look at this:


Maybe it's the noses and the receding hairlines, but Colin Hay and Christopher Eccleston look alike to me. Look, he even wrote a song about it.

I just watched that video. How did I make it through the 80's without noticing that Colin Hay had a wandering eye?

Tune in next time when we further discuss physical abnormalities of 80's musicians.