Thursday, June 13, 2013

Urban Poetry Nuggets

Everyone has a shameful confession. Mine is that, techinology-wise, I have not I have not evolved past owning a CD player. Even with my love of music, which exceeds my love of coffee, which in itself is so great that framed pictures of lattes lean boldly in front of pictures of my kids, I still haven't shelled out the money to buy...whatever it is that plays music now. An ipod? An mp3 player? Have we moved past those things yet? Or is it only a phone that plays music now? No, not a phone? A food processor? A pogo stick with a USB port? Is a USB port really what I think it is or is it part of a space shuttle? Are space shuttles connected to the internet and if so can they download music?

I don't know these things so I just play songs on Youtube. Maybe I'm lazy, but honestly, I was burnt once by technology and I never want to go through that kind of loss ever again.

(Cue painful recollection) When I was 11 I began collecting what would become a glorious cassette tape collection. For the price of doing the dishes every day, I was able to spend ALL of my allowance every week on new music. So after a few years I had two double decker cases of cassettes that I coveted and that were absolutely awesome. It was extensive. Elton John, Paul Simon, and The Beach Boys were right there with Megadeath, Agent Orange, Led Zeppelin, Ice T and The Beastie Boys. I might not have known how to talk to other people, but I could look at my music collection and imagine how someone would react if I'd acutally had friends who came into my room.

"Wow!" They'd exclaim, reaching for my bootleg copy of Marylin Manson singing in the shower. "How'd you get that?"

"Well, I get $5.00 a week, I have no friends, great taste in music, and a lot of time."

And replies like that is why Genevieve had no friends for a very, very long time.

It was soon after that I amassed this collection of cassettes, that they began to only release new music on CD's. This was no problem, I thought, I still had a tape deck I could still play all of my favorite music without having to buy a CD player. But soon my insatiable appetite for new, interesting bands outweighed my sentimental attachment to my old boom box so I started buying CD's.

And then, not too soon after, the internet came. Actually, the internet came along when I was about 15 I think, but it didn't introduce itself to me until I was 106 years old. And when we met it said, "Hi, I'm the internet."

"Hi, I'm Genevieve."

"Good to meet you. Hey, are these your CD's and cassettes over here?"

I smiled adoringly at them. "Yeah."

The internet smiled back. "Great." And then it raised a sledge hammer and whacked at them until they were nothing but dust, broken plastic, and ribbons.

So the internet and I have a rocky relationship at best. I use it for pretty much everything, but when it comes to buying music, that's when things get prickly. The internet says to me, "You know that Florence and The Machine album you've been wanting? You could download it from itunes or something." This sounds appealing at first, but then I think of what it did to my tapes and CD's and I say, "Why so you can take a sledgehammer and kill itunes like you killed my friends? Fuck you, take me to Youtube." It doesn't say anything back. Really, what can it say?

The Youtube community has a lot to say though. Though I personally don't comment on the songs I like, sometimes I scroll through what other people are saying. You probably do the same thing, but since we might not listen to the same stuff, I thought I'd share some of the ones I've found. These are the actual comments that haven't been doctored or edited by me. I'm not going to tell you what songs they went with. These will be completely out of context for two reasons: 1) they are urban poetry nuggets and 2) they're more stupid when they stand alone. You would think these two points would contradict each other, but no! So what you get is profoundly stupid accidental poetry. All because of my refusal to grow with technology. There is a bright side to irrational hardheadedness! Who knew.

So here we go.

Some of my favorite youtube comments from songs:

You are a retarded mad princess

britney is awesome doe. she wasn't a sell out and change who she is like a lot of this generations music.

Shut the fuck up, douch nozzle

Please guys, *THRASH, for God.

mellow, grungy, dope

Probably a big-legged woman

A seed is a seed you fucking mongoloid

Happy ending!! yesssss.....

Are you drunk?

wooow it is amazing to man can standing all of the video

Skaters are mostly punk rock fans if you knew your history they dont skate to rap they skate to the misfits hence skateboard music duh

well I just have the album, I uploaded the song and I prayed to the old gods that no one would delete it

if you want the truth of life go to Truthcontestxcom and read THE PRESENT

Well it's obvious that this song has absolutely nothing to do with shoe's. But you could have said it nicer, and punctuated it better... And spelled better... You dumb fuck

Playing this song got Will Ferrell laid.

La musica y el arte no tienen Nacionalidad ni raza, es universal !!!


And because it's important to know this is the song that got Will Ferrell laid. And this is the scene where it happened. To quote a commenter, "One of the best romantic/comedy scenes of all time."

1 comment:

Tom Harold said...

Holy shnitzel - if you count the number of times Whole Wide World has been covered on recordings plus counting artists who have played it live at least once (if not numerous times) live, this song has been covered no less than 19 times!

I think I've only commented on a song on Youtube one time in all these years that the internet and I have been getting to know each other, but I do use it as my personal quick-reference library for music. Right now it's being used to repeatedly, repeatedly, repeatedly, repeatedly play a '65 version of Driving South by a young man named Jimmy James who would, just a few years later, become a littler better known along with a name change to Jimi Hendrix.