Thursday, January 5, 2012

Waiting on a bank is worse than everything else that is bad

I am waiting for the sale of my house to close. It's all I do, even when I'm doing a number of other things. I could be helping a kid with her homework, talking to the dog, or transferring a phone call to the Security Director because part of the hospital is on fire, and I'll be thinking in the back of my mind, "I wonder when my closing date is." There have been a few possible ones, and they've all been rescheduled for one reason or another. I have moved out and am ready to pass the house on to my buyer who is also ready to move in. Our realastate agents are ready. THE ENTIRE WORLD is ready for the closing of my house expect for the bank because I don't think that the bank is part of the real world. I think it exists in a parallel universe where it is tradition to set up a house sale, have it ready to go, and then take a nap for five years.

I don't understand. Every day I hear about how depressed the economy is because the housing market is bad. You know those people who are miserable sometimes because they want to be miserable? I think that the housing market is one of those people. I have a house that I am selling which someone wants to buy. He has good credit, and the deal works out well for both of us. HEY! Economy! This is good for you! TAKE IT!!!! Stop looking at it like it's a spoonful of medicine that you know is going to taste bad! I don't care if you like it or not, it's good for you, and it will make you feel better, and only a derranged, masochistic idiot would refuse it! Sell my house! Boost yourself! Help ME help YOU! DAMMMMMM!!! ITTTTT!!!!!!!

I go back and forth between being cool about it (letting go and accepting that it is out of my control), and banging my head againast my desk with my teeth clenched. Today I'm blogging about it, so that's new. It makes me wonder if the power of my blogging to tip the scales of the universe in my favor. I think about that when I'm relaxing and banging my head too. I think, "I'm letting go and accepting...I wonder if that means things will happen now. And then I can tell people, 'Yeah, I was all stressed about about the closing, but then I accepted that the matter was out of my control, let go, and that's when the bank finally set a closing date.'" When I bang my head in frustration I think, "I was all patient and now I've finally snapped. I wonder if that means it'll happen now. The universe was just waiting to see how far it could push me before I cracked and now that it's experiment is over, it will reward me with a closing date." And now I'm blogging and wondering, "I wonder if I'll get an email or a phone call about the closing since I'm writing about it. I can write in the middle of this post, 'I interrupt this post to bring you fabulous news! I have a closing date! The nightmarish waiting is over! The economy has decided to take one little step toward getting better and it has benefitted me! Hooray!'" But that has not happened.

And so I am still, even when I let go, not letting go because the only reason I'm letting go is because I think if I do it will trick the universe into making things happen in my favor. My will wins!...Doesn't it? No? Well, can't it just win this once? Please? You know that saying, "When we make plans, God laughs," well, just this once and I swear I'll never ask again, can it be, "When we make plans, God thinks it's the best idea ever and is so proud of you that He gives you whatever you want?" How about that? Just this once? No? Ok, well, if you change your mind I'll be over here banging my head on my desk. Thanks.

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