I've decided that I like Facebook better than myspace.
If someone had told me a year ago that I was going to write that sentence I think I would have hung myself with the powercord to my laptop. There was once a time when I was so smug about staying out of the whole internet profile mess, like I was too cool to blog. Now I've got a myspace and a facebook profile AND a blog? And a minivan? And 2.5 kids, a husband, a house in the suburbs, a cat and a dog? Do I even dare call myself a punk anymore? Where is the girl who once painted her nails black and pink and climbed a powerline with her seedy friends and to jump into Lake Pontchatrain? Who is the woman who sips her coffee in her pajamas and blogs in her clean kitchen?
The thing I didn't like about these internet profile thingys was that they just seemed like a means to cyberflirt and waste time. In other words, I was a snob. Most of the people I know use it as a way to keep up with people they love who live far away, or to check out things that make them laugh when they're sitting in their clean kitchen wondering how they turned into such a domesticated bohemian. But the reason I like facebook better is mostly because you get to throw sheep at and fight crime with people. You can become a vampire or a werewolf, and plant a garden. There's pretending involved, the fun kind of pretending not the 56-year-old-man-pretending-to-be-a-20-year-old-woman-for-internet-sex-purposes kind of pretending. Myspace, for me, is boring in comparison.
The only thing missing is my handwriting. With all my struggles with selfhatred and whatnot, one thing about myself that I've always liked is my handwriting. It's not because it's super neat or whatever. It's the earthly form of my writer's voice. I used to make sure I had paper and pen with me where ever I went so just in case I began to feel down I could write something and feel better. My handwriting is an old friend. I've got pictures up for my facebook and myspace profiles, but if I were to post a picture of who I really am I would take a snapshot of a sentence I'd written.
Sometimes I underline or scribble down sentences I find in books. If you take a whole book and critique it there are so many elements to be weighed to decide if you liked it, or how literary and effective the plot is. But if you just take one sentence like a single bite and roll it around your tongue for a while you can truly taste it. Yesterday I was cleaning out my car and I found a Toys-R-Us book of coupons under my seat. I had used the back of it as a grocery list, and underneath the words "toothpaste" and "buttermilk" was a sentence that I'd scribbled while I was driving. I'd been listening to David Sedaris's latest book on CD and I liked one of his sentences so much that I'd turned off the stereo so I could write it down before I forgot it. Try to forget that I just told you that sometimes I write while I'm driving for a minute so you can dig this sentence with me. It was, "Her voice was heavy and coarse like footsteps on gravel." If I did book reviews I think I would narrow my critiques down to sentences completely taken out of context. Who cares what the full picture is when one part of it feels like silk against your face?