No Risk Angelina Jolie

I haven't clicked on the junk mail that got with the subject "No Risk Angelina Jolie" but I must say that I'm intrigued. One, I am certain that even if I opened it to find out, something horrible would happen. A piano will fall from the sky and crush my laptop, a gout of fire will spit from the ground, or the next apple I eat will be mushy. These are the things that happen when you open emails with viruses. Thus risk.

But "no risk" Angelina Jolie? Not just "Angelina Jolie," no. They offer me Angleina Jolie risk-free. I'm celebrity-gossip savvy enough to know that this is not true. Ok, maybe I'm not being fair because I don't know her personally and because I'm remembering gossip from ten years ago, but still. This is the woman who took on the role of Gia Carangi, who kept a vile of blood on a necklace, who pissed off Jennifer Aniston. These things are, my friends, very risky things I mean DEAR LORD what if the vile had broken! Those stains would never come out of Star Wars pajamas, which is what I imagine Angelina wears on her off days. It is this kind of risk taking that makes her who she is, and if I opened that email what would happen?? Would she suddenly become riskless? Would Brad Pitt come home one day and find her changing out the batteries in all of the smoke detectors even though none of them have expired, because she wants to be sure just in case? Will she refuse to wear blood on the outside? Will she take on the role of super models who AREN'T gay?

No, no, no, that clinches it, I can't open that email. I'm leaning towards the one with the subject "Anne Hathaway weight loss." I'll click on it and all of my excess weight will transfer to Anne Hathaway's body.

Here's to risky chicks:

Gia holds up a magazine cover of herself.